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Mrs Meadow’s Medical Matters

March 23, 2010

Our Maggie isn’t very well,

Her GP can do nowt.

Mick’s taken her to hospital

To have her insides out.

They’re shaving her to operate

She says ‘Don’t take much trouble

I hear it’s a la mode to have

A slight designer stubble.

The prepping’s done, the needle’s in

She says a little prayer,

While Mucky Mick investigates

The nurses’ underwear.

His ogling’s getting far too close

For comfort for the nurse.

She turns round with a backhand swipe.

He topples with a curse.

He’s hit his head, he’s out stone cold

They’ve put him on a trolley.

The doctor wheels him off while cursing

Loudly at his folly.

‘We’ll deal with him’, our doc declares.

‘Twill only take a minute’

And soon enough the trolley’s back

With Michael lying in it.

‘Please do not fear, he now will be

Unable to embarrass.

We’ve bound him up from head to foot

In Plaster sent from Paris.’

The op takes place, our Maggie’s fixed,

She wakes to whooziness

‘Oh dear’, she groans, I’m feeling now

A good and proper mess.’

‘Oh doctor, what has happened

To make me suffer so?’

He answers, ‘Its gone very well

In general, although

There’s been a little accident –

This doctor standing next to me,

He lost his balance, knocked my knife,

And performed a vaginectomy.

But do not cry, your luck was in,

He’s a transplant expert too,

We found a donor pretty fast

And got to work on you.

You see that horse in yonder field,

Jumping like Sally Gunnell?

We whipped it out and sewed it in,

It’s as big as the Channel Tunnel.’

The stallion’s not too happy

He’s galloped off to pack.

She said you’re welcome to it

It will get him off her back.

‘Its all in working order now’

The errant surgeon gloats,

‘We’ll swiftly make you stable and

Soon Mick will get his oats.’

*******

Now Maggie’s home and healing well,

When Mike wants his wicked way,

He’ll say “’Ere ‘ow about it then?”

She’s sure to answer “Neigh!”

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From → Humourous Poetry

5 Comments
  1. Sue. You really need to get yourself some self confidence about your writing. You are extremely talented. I certainly hope you are following through on your writing course. You express yourself so vividly and wittily! I really enjoyed this. You are hiding your light under a bushel girl!

  2. Luke Prater permalink

    absolutely brilliant.

  3. grannyrant permalink

    This made me chuckle Sue, really funny and I love your style of writing. Keep going girl…FAB!

  4. This is brilliant! Why is there only one of it! *shakes fist*!

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